irenethegiant

same ol same ol

i keep being told the same thing over and over again and i am the fool that thinks its going to stick this time.

i am so stressed because of one person in my life who chooses to tell me that i am the reason that i am stressed and he has nothing to do with it. the main and only reason that i am still here is because of our unborn child and i know its not going to get any better when he gets here. i have made up excuses and made up stories to friends and family about how i am treated and how he has expected me to pick up everything and him do nothing. i have made it my problem that keeps getting bigger and doesnt seem to just fix itself. in two days i will be 25 and in all honestly i dont have anything to show for the past seven years of my life while i have been his girlfriend and now his wife. i am alone and when i try to reach out its hard for me to just sit and talk about how i feel without the worry of being judged by those listening….my “best friend” dropped me for a guy of the moment and i cant ever talk to him because again he makes it “my fault” and calls me “a bitch and why would you ever think i love you or want to be around you”

i dont know how much more i can just push under the rug without totally losing my grip on my life and my mind. and at the end of the day it comes down to me making the choice to leave or stay and i make that decision and they he says “im sorry” or “i didnt mean it” and i am stupid enough to listen to it because i want so badly to have the family i didnt have but at what cost…do i have to give up my happiness and my chance at being a good mother because i only have time to stress about the child i married